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About Split

So, erotic-massage – it ain’t just some sleazy backroom deal. Nah, it’s old as hell, like ancient Greece old. Them Greeks? Rubbin’ oil on dudes before wrestlin’ – half sport, half sexy-time, wild! Makes me wanna yell, “Why’d we ditch that?!” Kinda pissed me off – we got boring gym showers now. But anyway, it’s all bout the hands, right? Slow, teasin’, like the masseuse is playin’ ya like a damn violin. Got me thinkin’ – “Could I do that?” – nah, my hands are for drillin’ teeth, not thrillin’ cheeks, haha!

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Then, my laptop decides to be a diva. It won’t connect to the Wi-Fi. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I’m frantically clicking buttons, and the barista is giving me the side-eye. I can’t even focus on my slides. I’m just staring at the screen like it owes me money.

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