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But real talk, it’s a minefield—some places legit, some sketchy as hell. Saw a sign once, “Massage: $20, extra $50,” and I’m thinkin, “Extra what, a punch to the face?” Sarcasm’s my shield, mate—keeps me sane. Like, is this relaxation or a weird porno audition? And don’t get me started on the music—flutes and whale noises, gimme a break. I’d rather hear Bane yellin, “You merely adopted the dark!” while I’m gettin kneaded.

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So, I grab some strawberries (they’re juicy AF) and head to the park by ul. 3 Maja. It’s beautiful there, right? I plop down on a bench, munching on my strawberries, feeling like a king. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, chasing a dog. The dog’s like, “See ya!” and bolts straight into the fountain. SPLASH! Water everywhere! The kid’s soaked, and I’m dying laughing.

Fig. 6: Wenceslas III (woodcut incorrectly impressed as Wenceslas II),...