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One time, I match dis girl, she crazy! She say, “Let’s do it in car!” I tink, “Very nice, but wait – parking lot?” She say, “Yes, now!” I get scared, like Larry when wife leave him – what I do? I say, “Maybe coffee first?” She mad, she go. I sit dere, sad, den laugh – sex-dating so wild, never boring!

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I’m like, “Nah, man, I can’t.” But he’s persistent. So, I’m thinking, “What the heck, let’s do it!” I grab my best pig, Wally. He’s a bit of a diva, but he’s fast. We get to the starting line, and I’m sweating bullets. The crowd’s hyped, and I’m just trying to keep Wally calm.

ERICH KOCH DIES IN POLISH PRISON; THE NAZI WAR CRIMINAL WAS 90 (Published 1986)