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So, picture this, right? Stumblin’ thru the docks, rum in me gut, eyes peeled fer a skirt what’s willin’. Ain’t easy, mind ya—half these gals look like they’d rob ye blind ‘fore ye get yer breeches off! Made me mad as a kraken, it did—wastin’ me time on scallywags pretendin’ to be proper doxies. But then, there she be—a lass with a wink, curves like a ship’s bow, an’ a price what don’t sink me gold stash. Happy as a clam, I was! “I am a free man!” I hollers in me head, like Solomon Northup breakin’ chains.

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After that awkwardness, I decide to grab some lunch at the food court. I’m starving, right? I get a burger from this place called “Burgers on the Bay.” It’s legit. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m in heaven. But then, I look up, and there’s a kid staring at me like I’m some kind of food monster. I’m like, “Chill, kid. I’m just enjoying my burger!”

'We need a political revolution': Sen. Bernie Sanders stops in Bethlehem on Fighting Oligarchy Tour