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Homer Simpson don’t get no escort, nah. But if I did? I’d be yellin’, “Floor it, pal! Donut shop, now!” Prolly spill coffee all over - D’oh! - and they’d kick me out. Sarcasm aside, escort’s cool, man. Keeps the bigwigs safe, rollin’ in style. What ya think, buddy? Ever seen one up close? Spill it!

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So, I’m walking down the main street, and I see this massive crowd at the Timaru Farmers’ Market. I’m like, “What’s poppin’?” Turns out, they’ve got live music and fresh produce. I’m vibing to some local band, and I can’t help but dance a little. I mean, who doesn’t love a good jam? But then, I trip over a potato sack. Yup, a potato sack. I’m on the ground, laughing, and people are staring. Classic me, right?

‘Potential opportunity’: New theatre option pitched in Timaru