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About Wellington

Greed is good, see, ‘cause it pushes ya to find the best—none of that half-assed crap. Ever hear ‘bout the Romans? Those horny bastards had massage orgies, oil everywhere, no shame—true story, look it up. Me, I’m sittin’ there last week, some gal’s workin’ my shoulders, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it, this is livin’!”—like that *Syndromes* line, “It’s like a dream I had.” But real, ya know? Real sweaty, real messy, real freakin’ hot.

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Next thing I know, my phone’s buzzin’ like crazy. “Fire at the Mount!” they say. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” So, I grab my gear and head out. The traffic on Cameron Rd is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind some dude who’s clearly never heard of a turn signal. I’m yellin’ at my windshield, “C’mon, man! We’re not in a parade!”

Make-over time on Tauranga State Highways