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Anyways, she’s slidin’ her hands all slow-like, and I’m thinkin’, “This is too good, Marge, too good!” Kinda reminded me of that scene where Gustave goes, “You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse!”—’cept it’s me, feelin’ civilized with every slippery touch. I was HAPPY, like, floatin’ on a cloud happy. But then—ugh, get this—she cranked the heat too high! My skin’s redder than Homer’s butt after eatin’ chili, and I’m all, “Lady, I’m not a freakin’ lobster!” Made me so mad I coulda screamed, “Hmm… turn it down, ya nitwit!”

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But then, I see this guy trying to parallel park on the corner of North Parade. He’s struggling hard. I mean, come on, it’s not rocket science! I’m sipping my coffee, and I can’t help but laugh. He finally gets it, but he’s so proud, you’d think he just landed a spaceship.

Shirley-Anne KIVELL Obituary (2025) - www.northernadvocate.co.nz