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Oi, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big Herald, gonna spill some tea ‘bout escorts, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole escort ting, it’s wild, like “Spring Breakers” vibes, ya know? “Look at all dis cash!” – dat’s what I tink when I see dem fancy escort gigs rollin’ in. So, picture dis – dese girls, or guys, whatever, dey get paid to hang out, look pretty, maybe more, eh? It’s like, “We’re on a mission, bitches!” – straight outta dat movie, ya feel me?

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh, work stuff. He’s like, “Can you come in for a meeting?” I’m thinking, “Seriously? On a Saturday?” But I can’t say no. So, I head back to the office, which is on the other side of town. I’m driving down Harewood Rd, and the traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this slowpoke who’s going 40 in a 60 zone. I’m losing it! I’m yelling at my steering wheel like it’s the car’s fault.

Fire engulfs Bishopdale house