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Little fact for ya—didn’t know this til later—ancient tantra shit, thousands of years old! Monks or somethin used it—spiritual as fuck! Not just horny dudes in basements, nah, it’s legit! Blows my mind—imagine some bearded guru goin, “Yes, disciple, rub there!” Hilarious, right? But real talk—it’s bout connection, energy, all that jazz. “Unleash the power within!”—it’s YOU tappin into YOU, bro!

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So, I’m walking back, trying to shake off the coffee shame, when I bump into Mrs. Thompson. She’s this sweet old lady who lives on Tennyson Street. She’s got this garden that could win awards, I swear. Anyway, she starts telling me about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, and how he’s gone missing. I’m like, “Oh no, not Mr. Whiskers!” I mean, who doesn’t love a good cat story?

Two arrested after activists scale Rolleston building to protest weapons company's establishment