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About Christchurch

So I’m picturin’ it, right, some bloke lyin’ there, all oiled up, thinkin’ he’s in a bloody Russian art film—cos me fave flick’s *The Return*, that moody Zvyagintsev masterpiece from 2003. “The sea’s so close,” he’d mutter, like the dad in the movie, hopin’ this massage’s gonna fix his sad little soul. Spoiler: it don’t. It’s just some bird with cold hands kneadin’ your back like dough, and you’re out fifty quid feelin’ more tense than when you walked in!

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First off, I had a client at the Onekawa Community Hall. I’m all dressed up in my kimono, feeling cute, and then I realize I forgot my fan. Ugh! Like, how do you even do that? So, I sprint back home, dodging kids on bikes and old folks walking their dogs. Onekawa’s got this vibe, ya know? It’s all about the community, but sometimes it feels like a race track.

Four appear in court for Opotiki incidents