Emilia New Lynn Erotic Massage ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Oh, and the oils? Smell like heaven fucked a flower—lavender, jasmine, some shit. Little-known fact: in Thailand, they’ve been doin’ this for centuries, callin’ it “nuad boran,” mixin’ it with stretches—shit’s older than your grandma’s vibrator! I’m yellin’ in my head, “KEEP GOING, DON’T STOP!” while she’s crackin’ my spine like a glowstick. Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it FELT like she snapped me in half, and I loved it! “We’re doomed,” says the movie—nah, I’m reborn, bitches! Erotic-massage is chaos, beauty, absurdity—just like me, Eric fuckin’ Andre, screamin’ into the void while someone rubs my thighs! Try it, fam—thank me later!

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And then, BAM! I bumped into this dude. Total stranger. He spills his drink all over me. I was like, “Bro, are you serious?” I mean, I was wearing my favorite shirt! It was a whole thing. He apologized, but I was still fuming. I mean, who even drinks that much coffee at once?

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