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Oh, and don’t get me started on the johns—pathetic sometimes, hilarious others. Stumblin’ in, all nervous, like they’re in *Children of Men* facin’ the Fishes. “This is it, the end,” I’d mutter, watchin’ ‘em fumble. One time, heard a dude in Amsterdam’s red district paid double just to cry on a girl’s shoulder. Brothel turned therapist—ain’t that a trip? Cracked me up, but damn, it’s sad too.

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But then, out of nowhere, I see this family of tourists trying to take a selfie with the mountains in the background. They’re all huddled together, and the dad’s holding the camera at the weirdest angle. I can’t help but chuckle. I mean, come on! It’s Mount Cook! Just point and shoot! I roll down my window and shout, “Hey, just aim for the peaks, not your feet!” They all turn and laugh, and for a second, I forget about my stress.

Search unable to resume for three foreign climbers missing on Aoraki Mt Cook