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O thou sweet friend, hark! I’m no stiff-necked economist, but I’ll spin thee a tale of sexual-massage, that slippery beast! Methinks it’s a trade old as dirt—yea, older than the stones in yonder hills. Picture this: hands gliding o’er flesh, a dance of oil and sighs, like Daniel Plainview chasing black gold in *There Will Be Blood*. “I drink your milkshake!”—ha! That’s what I’d shout if I caught some rogue masseuse pilfering my coin for a half-arsed rub.

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After that, I finally get the compressor sorted. It’s blasting away, and I’m in my zone. I’m feeling like a rockstar, just me and my gear. But then, outta nowhere, this guy walks by. He’s wearing a suit, looking all fancy. He stops, stares at me like I’m some kind of alien. I’m like, “Bro, I’m just blasting here!”

Invercargill Police Investigating Overnight Offending