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About Tauranga

Downside? Some places, sketchy as hell—dude, I walked into one, smelled like feet and regret. Fuck that noise. But the good ones? Gabagool, ova here, they gotcha feelin’ like Tony fuckin’ Soprano runnin’ the Bada Bing—king of the world, baby! Best part, they say it’s “therapeutic”—yeah, therapeutic my ass, it’s a party, “Spring break, forever!”—you leave glowin’, swear to Christ. Try it, but don’t get ripped off, capisce?

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Finally, I get my tomatoes. I’m feelin’ accomplished, right? But then I see this guy selling wine. And not just any wine, but local stuff from the vineyards. I’m like, “Heck yeah, I’ll take a bottle!” So, I grab one, and the guy’s all chatty. He starts tellin’ me about the grapes and the process. I’m nodding, but inside I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I just wanna drink it!”

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