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So, sexual-massage—pro job, not some amateur crap. These pros, they train, man, years sometimes! Little known fact: in Japan, they got this ancient gig, “nuru massage,” seaweed gel and all, slippin’ like eels, wild shit! Makes me happy thinkin’ bout it—pure art, bro. But what pisses me off? Dudes judgin’ it like it’s dirty. Fuck that noise, it’s therapy, relaxation with a twist! Say hello to my little friend—my back’s been screamin’ for this!

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I’m sitting there, half-drunk on caffeine, and I start to panic. I mean, how am I supposed to write without my laptop? But then, I see Jake light a candle, and suddenly it’s all cozy. People start chatting, sharing stories. It’s like a scene from a rom-com. I’m loving it.

Office cat back on front desk after car park kidnapping