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Precious, listen up! Me, a Consumption Psychologist, yeah? We’s talkin’ erotic-massage today—ooh, slippery stuff! We loves it, we hates it! Like in “White Material,” ya know, my fave flick—tension’s thick, bodies all twisted up. Erotic-massage? Same vibe, mate! Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, makes ya go “What’s this power, eh?” Like Maria in the movie screamin’, “I’m not leaving!”—that’s me, clingin’ to the vibe, wantin’ more, yeah?

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s stuck on West Street. Apparently, there’s a sheep on the road. A SHEEP! Like, come on, Ashburton, get it together! I mean, we’re known for our farming, but this is ridiculous. I told him to just shoo it away. He’s like, “Nah, bro, it’s a stubborn one.” Classic Dave.

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