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I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “Is this really happening?”—like Scarlett Johansson whisperin’ in my ear, all soft, “Let’s never come back.” Sex-dating’s got that pull, brah. Ya chase the thrill, the rush, the “oh shit, she’s into me!” moment. But sometimes it’s fake AF—catfishers everywhere! This one time, I drove 30 miles for a “surfer babe”—turned out to be a hairy dude named Chad. Laughed my ass off, tho—gotta roll with it.

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After a bit of tinkering, we get it going. I’m finally blasting away, and it feels good. The grit flying everywhere, the sound of the machine—it’s like music to my ears. But then, outta nowhere, I get a face full of sand. I’m talkin’ like I just walked into a sandstorm. I’m spitting out grit, and Jan’s laughing so hard he almost drops his gear. “Welcome to the club, man!” he yells. Yeah, thanks, Jan. Real supportive.

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