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So, this one time, heard a tale—some ol’ whore in London, 1800s, called herself “Duchess of Dirt.” Ain’t that a laugh? She’d bed sailors, then nick their boots while they slept! Clever, yeh, but we hates it! Sneaky, slimy, like worms in mud. Got caught eventually, hanged her, they did—crowd cheered, I’d have hissed. Surprised me, tho—didn’t think whores had guts for thievin’.

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So, I start workin’, and it’s all good. The sun’s out, and I’m feelin’ the groove. But then, outta nowhere, a flock of seagulls swoops down. They’re screechin’ like they own the place! One of ‘em poops on my tractor. I’m like, “Really? This is how we’re doin’ it today?” I laugh it off, but inside, I’m seething.

Charting Van Gogh’s forgotten love affair with Britain