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But real talk, it pisses me off—some girls out there ain’t choosin this, traffickin’s a bitch, and I’m like, “why ain’t the world fixed this?!” Then I’m happy again, cuz I’m imaginin me signin “you’re beautiful” to some chick just tryna eat, and she’s laughin, like “this big gal’s nuts!” Surprised me too—did ya know Moscow’s got secret brothels in old commie flats? Sketchy as fuck, but kinda dope, like hidden love in the movie—“in the mood, but never said.”

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Then, this guy walks in wearing a bright orange shirt. I swear, it’s blinding. He’s got a cart full of energy drinks. I’m thinking, “Bro, you’re gonna bounce off the walls!” He starts chatting me up about the best flavors. I’m just nodding, trying to keep my sanity.

Iowa Natural Resources Commission seeking plan for dam at Palisades Kepler State Park