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Sometimes, I reckon it’s too much—overhyped, overdone, like a bad cigar. “What’s your decision?” I mutter, quotin’ Farhadi, starin’ at a neon sign blinkin’ “Massage.” Do I dare? ‘Course I do—life’s short, war’s long! Best bit? When they hit that spot—ooh, spine tingles, like V-Day bells! Worst? When they chatter—shut it, love, I’m blissin’ out! We shall rise, rejuvenated, from the table—triumph in every knot undone! So, mate, that’s me take—erotic-massage, a grand ol’ rumpus! What’s yours?

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So, I pack up and head to the market. It’s bustling, people everywhere. I love it! The smell of fresh bread, flowers, and, of course, cheese. I spot my mom, and she’s holding this massive wheel of Gouda. I’m like, “Mom, you’re gonna need a truck for that!”

Stater Bros. Markets Appoints Pete Van Helden as President and CEO