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I’d saunter up, all awkward, like, “Hey, uh, you workin’?” She’d laugh—*laugh*!—right in my face. “What’s a preacher want with me?” she’d say, and I’d be pissed, like, “Don’t stereotype me, lady!” But also kinda happy ‘cause she’s sharp—sharper than me, probs. Fun fact: back in the 1800s, some prostitutes were called “soiled doves”—ain’t that poetic? She’s a dove, I’m a dork, perfect match.

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on Hoofdstraat. You know, the one with the best stroopwafels? I’m talkin’ melt-in-your-mouth goodness. But guess what? They were out! Like, how do you run out of stroopwafels? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, c’mon, it’s Hoogerheide! Get your act together!

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