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Oh, and get this—some escorts got codenames, like spies! Saw this one chick online, called herself “Vixen,” had a whole backstory. Prolly fake, but damn, that’s cool as hell. Reminds me of Mia again, y’know, “I’m hard as nails,” she’d say, struttin’ like she owns the joint. Escorts do that too—fake it ‘til they make it. Makes me laugh, thinkin’ they’re out there, livin’ wild, while I’m stuck eatin’ cheesy poofs.

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First off, I hit the streets of De-Drait, and lemme tell ya, the vibe was off. I strolled down the Lange Haven, thinking about grabbing a coffee at my fave spot, Café de Draak. But guess what? It was closed! Like, what even? I mean, who closes a coffee shop on a Tuesday? Ugh! So, I ended up at this random place on de Zwarteweg. The coffee was decent, but the barista? Total weirdo. He kept talking about his pet iguana. Like, dude, I just want caffeine, not a reptile TED talk.