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So, sexual-massage—fancy term for a proper kneadin’ with a naughty twist. I’ve seen it, yeah, back in King’s Landing, some lord paid a fortune for “exotic hands.” Little known fact: them old maesters wrote it cures headaches—bollocks! Made me laugh, tho, picturin’ Tywin Lannister gettin’ oiled up—stiff as a corpse, ragin’ inside. “I choose violence,” I’d say, if some grubby fool tried touchin’ me without askin’. Smash a wine goblet on his skull, I would—splat, done!

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After that, I head down to the Rhine. The water’s calling my name, ya know? I’m all geared up, ready to dive into the deep blue. But then, bam! I see this group of tourists on the bridge. They’re taking selfies, and one of them drops their phone. It’s like slow-mo, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “Dude, that’s gonna hurt.” And it does! The phone goes splat on the rocks. I can’t help but laugh. Like, who needs a phone when you’ve got a view like this?

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