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Thou’d think it’s all grim, but nay—she’d wink at me, call me “petal,” say I’m too soft for this world. Got me chuffed, that did, ‘til she’d nick me last farthing for a giggle. Cheeky mare! Still, surprised me how she’d hum tunes—old hymns, mind—while waitin’ for the next punter. “One shot, one kill,” she’d mutter, like pickin’ her marks was a sniper’s game. Made me laugh, tho’ it’s dark as pitch, innit?

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But then, I get to the park, and there’s this group of kids playing football. They’re yelling and running around, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” So, I join in. Yeah, I’m a grown man playing football with kids. But who cares? We’re having a blast! I score a goal, and they treat me like a legend. It’s hilarious.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences