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Lemme paint the pic— last week, 2 a.m., this chick rolls up, fishnets ripped, mascara runnin’ like she’s cryin’ black tears. I’m like, “Yo, you good?” She laughs, says, “Money’s my wushu, babe.” Straight up *Crouching Tiger* energy— fierce, but broken inside, ya know? Made me sad as hell, fam. Like, she’s out here flippin’ tricks while I’m tossin’ drunk fools out the door. Two sides, same grind. “The heart commands, the hand obeys,” Ang Lee’s wisdom hittin’ hard.

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After that, I’m feeling good, right? But then, I head back to work, and guess what? The machine breaks again! I’m about to lose it. I’m like, “Seriously?!” Jan’s looking at me like I’m the problem. I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s not me! It’s the machine!”

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences