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And the risks! Oh, don’t get me started. You’re dodgin’ cops, STDs, and God knows what else. I’d be whisperin’ to myself, “This is how I die, isn’t it?” Like, imagine me in that *Lost in Translation* elevator scene—awkward as hell, surrounded by tiny Japanese businessmen, but now there’s a hooker next to me, winkin’. I’d freak out! “What am I supposed to say to her?!” Probably somethin’ dumb like, “So, uh, you come here often?” Total trainwreck.

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I had a client coming in. This lady, let’s call her “Fur Mama.” She’s obsessed with her fur coat. I mean, who isn’t? But she’s also a bit...extra. She wanted me to add some bling to it. Like, girl, it’s a fur coat, not a disco ball! But whatever, I’m a professional, right?

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