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About Almere

Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, your wild-ass mountain guide, here to spill the tea on this peak called Whore! Yeah, Whore, baby—straight up chaotic vibes! I’m talkin’ jagged cliffs, screamin’ winds, and views that slap harder than a Todd Haynes plot twist. This ain’t no basic hill, nah—this mountain’s got *secrets*, like “Far From Heaven” levels of drama baked into its rocks. “I’m living a lie!”—that’s Whore yellin’ at the sky, bro, all moody and extra.

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So, I dash over to the nearest café on the Langestraat. I need a coffee, like, yesterday. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this super chill guy, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But he laughs it off, and I can’t help but chuckle too. It’s one of those moments, ya know?

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