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Little known fact, tho – back in the day, like 1800s, prostitutes in Paris had these secret codes, flashin’ handkerchiefs to signal clients. Ain’t that wild? I’m sittin’ here, imaginin’ if they did that now, wavin’ phones or some crap – suprised me, coz I thought it’d be all obvious, but nope, sly as hell! Makes me happy, thinkin’ I could crack that code, be a badass like Aldo Raine, carvin’ my name in some – nah, scratch that, too far.

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So, I’m wrestling with this stupid machine, and I’m sweating like I just ran a marathon. I’m talking full-on panic mode. I finally get it working, but then my boss walks in. Great timing, right? He’s all like, “What’s up?” and I’m just standing there, covered in ink. I’m like, “Oh, you know, just living the dream.” Sarcasm level: 100.

Photos: Queen Beatrix through the years