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Oh, and the oils – don’t get me started! Slippery as a politician’s promise, stinking of lavender or some hippy crap. Last time I got dragged into one – mate’s stag do, total stitch-up – I’m sliding off the table, yelling, “This ain’t sensual, it’s a bloody oil slick!” Still, that line from the flick, “Love needs care,” pops in me head. Maybe that’s it – sexual-massage done right’s meant to feel like someone gives a toss. Dunno, I’m too cynical for that malarky.
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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old lady feeding the ducks. She’s got a whole bag of bread, and I’m thinking, “Wow, she’s living her best life.” But then, BAM! A seagull swoops in and snatches the bread right outta her hand! I couldn’t help but laugh. The look on her face was priceless. I mean, who knew seagulls were such thieves?
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