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So, I tried it once, doc. Profile says “Bugs, 30, loves tunnels.” Got a date—holy carrots, she was hot! But—get this—she brought handcufs. Handcuffs, doc! I’m like, “Eh, slow down, toots!” Freaked me out, man. Thought I’d end up in a stew. Sex-dating’s risky, ya dig? One sec yer flirtin’, next yer dodgin’ creeps.

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m sprinting down the street, trying to find shelter. I ducked into a shop on de Hoofdstraat. It was a tiny place, but they had the best vintage stuff. I was browsing, and I found this old record. It was like a treasure! I was so hyped, I forgot about the rain.

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