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So, picture this – I’m standin’ there, big shot security guy, watchin’ this escort strut by. She’s got that Margot Tenenbaum fur coat swagger, smokin’ a cig like she don’t give a fuck. I’m thinkin’, “Sweet Jeesus, she’s hot!” But then, some dumbass client tries grabbin’ her ass – oh hell naw! I’m like, “Respect my authoritah, you prick!” Smacked him so hard he cried like Stan after Wendy dumped his ass. Made me happy as shit, protectin’ the lady, ya know?

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I see this old lady selling flowers. She’s got the biggest smile, and I can’t help but smile back. I buy a bunch of tulips, because why not? They’re like, the unofficial flower of the Netherlands, right? I’m feeling a bit better, but then I see a guy trip over his own feet. He falls right into a pile of cabbages. I can’t help but laugh. Like, dude, how clumsy can you be?

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