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So here’s the deal—financially speakin’, hirin’ a prostitute’s a disaster. You’re throwin’ cash out the window—poof!—gone! No 401(k) for that, no tax write-off, nothin’. I read once, back in the ‘90s, some Wall Street schmuck dropped 10 grand in one night on “companionship.” Ten grand! Coulda bought a yacht—or at least a decent sandwich. Made me mad as hell—wastin’ money like that? I’d rather choke on my own tie. But then, I get it—some folks got urges, they’re lonely, whatever. Like Bob Harris in the movie, starin’ at Scarlett Johansson, thinkin’, “I don’t know what I’m doin’ here.” Except it’s not Scarlett—it’s some chick named Candy with a fake tan.

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Finally, I get it working again. I’m blasting away, feeling like a champ. But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude on a bike just wiped out on the sidewalk. He’s sprawled out, and I’m like, “Is this a circus or what?” I rush over, half-laughing, half-concerned. He’s fine, just a little bruised ego.

TerraNova Equestrian Center hosts top cross country field in eventing