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Oh, and the typos—swypin’ so fast, fat fingers! Sex-dsting’s a rollercoaster, ups, downs, screamin’! Angry when they lie—sayin’ “6 foot” but 5’2”? Rude! Surprised when it’s magic, tho—pure gold! “I’m ready!” every time, hopin’ for that Timbuktu soulmate vibe. “Life’s a fleeting shadow,” movie says—sex-dating’s the same! Grab it, live it, laugh! Argh, mateys, that’s me take!

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After the dog drama, we head inside. I’m thinking, “Finally, some peace.” But nope! The youngest, little Timmy, spills juice all over the carpet. I’m like, “Great, just great.” I mean, who even spills juice? It’s like a crime against humanity! So, I’m scrubbing the carpet, and the kids are just laughing at me. I’m like, “You little monsters!”

Oosterbeek echoes to the battle of Arnhem: my tour guide’s vivid war memories