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Hey y’all, it’s me, Dolly! Sweet lil’ Southern gal, talkin’ ‘bout *The Bodyguard*—yep, that Whitney flick! Lordy, I ain’t no highfalutin critic, but this movie’s got me hollerin’. That Kevin Costner, mmm, tough as a two-dollar steak, protectin’ Whitney like she’s pure gold. And Whitney—honey, she’s a *whore* in the best way! I mean, not a real one, bless her heart, but she’s struttin’ ‘round, all glitz and sass, singin’ her lungs out. Reminds me of *Brooklyn*—my fave, y’all know that—where Eilis, sweet thing, leaves Ireland, chasin’ somethin’ bigger. Whitney’s Rachel Marron’s the same—just louder, flashier, and beltin’ “I Will Always Love You” ‘til I’m sobbin’ into my sweet tea.

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First off, I hit the road on the Kralingseweg. You know, the one that’s always got those cyclists zooming past like they’re in the Tour de France? I’m just tryna get to my first job, and these folks are acting like they own the road. I’m like, “Yo, I’m driving a tractor here! Give me some space!” But they just keep whizzing by. I mean, come on, I’m not a speed bump!

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