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Little tip, though – watch the corners near the docks. Cops swarm there like flies on gabagool. One time, I almost got pinched – had to peel out, tires screamin’, chick laughin’ her ass off in the rearview. Fuckin’ hilarious now, but I was sweatin’ bullets then! Surprised me how quick she flipped – one sec she’s all business, next she’s cacklin’ like a hyena.

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on Kerkstraat. You know, the one with the best appeltaart? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, drooling over the pastries, when this old dude cuts in front of me. Like, excuse me? I’m about to lose it. But I just smile and say, “Hey, buddy, I was here first.” He just grins and orders the last piece of my beloved appeltaart. Ugh! I was fuming.

Markus beats Vollering, Van Vleuten to win women's Dutch time trial title