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What gets me goat? The fakers. All “deep connection” then vanish—cowards. Reminds me of Ennis in *Brokeback*, too scared to grab what’s real. “You got no fuckin’ idea how bad it gets,” he’d say. Sex-dating’s the same—half want love, half want a quickie. Pick a lane, ya twats! Still, I’m fascinated—people bare their bits online like it’s nothing. Didja know some Victorian perv invented “telegraph flirting”? True story—sexting with wires, ballsy as hell.

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But then, bam! Outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, cats and dogs. I dash to the nearest shop, which happens to be a little boutique on Kerkstraat. I’m soaked, but I’m also kinda stoked. I love a good shopping spree! I’m browsing through some clothes, and I spot this jacket. It’s bright yellow, like a freaking banana. I try it on, and I’m like, “Wow, I look like a walking highlighter.” But I buy it anyway. Why not, right?

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