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Humor? Yo, some johns be askin’ for discounts like it’s Black Friday. Bruh, this ain’t Walmart! Sarcasm on deck—I’d be like, “Yea, $5 special, keep dreamin’.” Oh, and peep this: back in ‘09, this escort I knew worked a politician. Dude18 got pics—dude swore he’d never tell. Swear to God, she said, “I’m takin’ this to my grave.” Next day? Busted. Hilarious, fam. Sex escort life’s a movie, and I’m just tryna catch the plot. “I can’t stop looking at it”—that’s me, starin’ at this world, tryna understand. YOLO, tho—live it, love it, laugh it off. Peace.

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I’m feeling all inspired, so I sit down on a bench near the castle. The view of the IJmeer is stunning. I’m thinking, “This is it! This is where I’ll write my next bestseller.” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! I’m like, “Dude, that’s my lunch!” But the seagull just looks at me like, “What’s your point?”

Zaandam woman, 18, stabbed repeatedly in car under A1 viaduct; Man, 21, suspected