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So, I heard—get this—prostitutes been around FOREVER! Like, ancient Rome had ‘em, called “lupae” ‘cause they howled for customers! How freaky is that? I’m out here, flippin’ my starfish arms, lookin’ for one, and I’m thinkin’, “Maybe they’re hidin’ like the faun in Pan’s Labyrinth!” You know, that creepy dude with the horns? “Step into my maze, Patrick!”—that’s what I imagine ‘em sayin’!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. I’m talking full-on Dutch weather. I duck into this café on de Kerkstraat. I order a slice of apple pie, and let me tell you, it was heavenly. I’m sitting there, pie in hand, watching the rain pour. Life is good, right? But then, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, really? In a cozy café?

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