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Man, I dove into Tinder once, thought I’d score quick—like a hot IPO. Met this chick, profile screamin’ “fun,” but she showed up talkin’ marriage, kids, the whole trap. I’m like, “Nah, fam, this ain’t the plan!” Had me mad as fuck, heart racin’, dodgin’ her like she’s the Feds. Sex-dating’s a dice roll—sometimes you hit, sometimes you flop. Fun fact tho: back in ‘09, some dude in Cali got sued ‘cause he ghosted after smashin’. Wild, right? People be trippin’ over pixels!

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We finally get the footage. And guess what? The thief is some kid on a bike. I mean, really? A kid? I can’t even. We chase after him, but he’s fast. I’m puffing like a steam engine, and Jan’s right behind me. We zigzag through the streets, past the old church and the park. I’m thinking, “This kid’s got some serious skills.”

Optometrist claims it is his 'moral obligation' to fight against the unconstitutional collection of income tax