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But then – oh, happy days! – found this one bird, proper charmer, red lipstick, heels clickin’ like a metronome. “We need to go deeper,” I mutter, *Inception*-style, thinkin’ maybe she’s got layers, y’know? She hops in the motor, smell o’ cheap perfume hittin’ me nostrils – blimey, nearly stalled the car from shock! Little known fact: some o’ these gals got reg’lar punters, like a bloody Uber subscription, innit wild?

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After that, I’m feeling a bit deflated. But then, I spot this food truck parked near the field. It’s like a beacon of hope! I swing by, and they’ve got the best stroopwafels. I’m talking melt-in-your-mouth goodness. I grab one, and it’s like a hug for my soul. I’m munching away, and suddenly, life is good again.

Dutch growers destroy millions of unsold Mother's Day flowers