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About Myself
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About Almere
Arr matey, Cap’n Jack Sparrow here, slurrin’ me wit ‘bout this sexual-massage nonsense, savvy? Picture this, ye scurvy dog – hands roamin’ like they’re huntin’ treasure, but it’s all legal-like in some ports! Me, I’m thinkin’ of that creepy lil’ lass from *Let the Right One In* – “I’m not a girl,” she says, all eerie, while I’m wonderin’ if these massage folk got secrets too. Sexual-massage, it’s a slippery beast, aye – not yer granny’s backrub, that’s fer damn sure!
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Then, I get this one guy, let’s call him Jan. Jan’s got a claim for a broken window. Turns out, his cat knocked over a plant. A PLANT! I’m like, “Dude, you need to train your cat better.” But he’s all serious, “It’s a valuable plant!” I’m thinking, “Valuable? Is it made of gold?”
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