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Humor? Ha, one time this escort, Katya, ditched a client mid-date—left him in a hotel with a note: “You snore, I’m out.” Savage! Love that shit. Sarcasm’s my vibe—escort ain’t love, it’s a transaction, comrades. Cold, clean, brutal. Like me. Thoughts in my head? Maybe I’d hire one just to talk Kaufman films—imagine her face! “All the world’s a stage,” Kaufman whispers, and escort proves it—everyone’s actin’, nobody’s real.

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Then, I’m walking down the Hoofdstraat, and I see this cute little café. I’m like, “Ooh, let’s treat myself!” I order a slice of appeltaart, and it’s HUGE! Like, I could use it as a plate. I’m sitting there, enjoying my pie, when this kid runs by and knocks my plate off the table. I’m like, “Seriously, kid?!” But then I see his face, and he’s just so cute, I can’t even be mad.

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