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I ask her rate—50 bucks, she says. Cheap, right? But I’m broke as a joke, so I haggle. “Don’t pee on my leg, girl, I ain’t no millionaire!” She smirks, drops it to 40. Deal. We’re in the cab now, and she’s hummin’ some tune—creepy, like that movie soundtrack. “Do you want to look at me?” she asks, all sultry. Hell yeah, I do! But it’s quick—15 minutes tops. Tractor seat’s squeakin’, I’m prayin’ no cop rolls by.

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First off, I’m an economist, but today felt like I was living in a sitcom. I grab my coffee at the local café on the Westerstraat. You know, the one with the funky barista who thinks he’s a stand-up comic? Yeah, that guy. He spills my coffee all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, I need that caffeine!” But he just laughs it off. I mean, come on!

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