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Personal quirk? I’d rather wrestle a bear than pay for a date. But some dudes swear by it—no strings, no whinin’, just business. “That’s a bingo!” as Waltz’d say—straight to the point. Funny thing, though—heard escorts sometimes get hired just to talk. Lonely bastards out there, payin’ top dollar for a chat. Kinda sad, kinda sweet, mostly pathetic. Exaggeratin’ for effect? Maybe they’re secretly runnin’ the world, these escorts—puppet masters in heels. Ha! Imagine that.

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When I get to her place, I see the tree. It’s sad, man. I mean, it’s got more problems than I do! I start checkin’ it out, and Mrs. Jansen’s there, wringin’ her hands. “Is it gonna die?” she asks. I’m like, “Lady, it’s not on its deathbed yet!” But inside, I’m thinkin’, “This tree needs some serious love.”

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