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About Eindhoven

So, last week—d’oh!—I’m cruisin’ downtown, belly fulla donuts, lookin’ for some action. Streets are buzzin’, lights flashin’, and I’m like, “Marge’d kill me, but whatever!” You gotta dodge the cops, tho—sneaky bastards. Fun fact: back in old Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out. Crazy, right? Imagine that—blonde wig, high heels, waitin’ under a lamp post like some ninja from “The Assassin.” “She moves in silence,” like the movie says, and bam, there she is!

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After lunch, I’m feeling adventurous, so I head to the Kasteel Groeneveld. It’s this beautiful castle, and I’m like, “Wow, I’m living the dream.” I take a bunch of selfies, and I’m feeling like a total influencer. But then, I see this sign that says, “No climbing.” And guess what? I see some kids climbing the castle walls! I’m like, “What are you doing?!” But they just laugh and keep climbing. Kids these days, man.

Arrest made in high profile Van Gogh, Frans Hals thefts; Paintings still missing