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Me, I tink whore like hero sometime. She fight, she survive – tough like Kazakh goat! But den I laugh, coz sometime she trick you, take wallet, poof! Gone! “You’re not my son!” – I yell like in film, but she already run, haha! Very nice! What you tink, my friend? Whore, she wild story, yes?

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But wait, there’s more! I’m mixing the batter, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash outside. I run out, and there’s a scooter on the ground. Some tourist just wiped out! I’m like, “Welcome to Felidhoo, buddy!” He’s okay, just a bit embarrassed. I help him up, and he’s like, “Is this the best island ever?” I’m like, “You bet! But watch out for the scooters!”

Police find drugs in packed submarine sandwich