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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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After the lights come back on, I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, my buddy Marco strolls in. He’s a regular, always got some crazy story. Today, he’s got this wild tale about a raccoon he saw on Avenue de la Liberté. I swear, he’s convinced it was a spy. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill a pint.

Municipal elections: Pirate Party present electoral programme in Pétange