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Oh, and the oils – stinky bastards! Patchouli or whatever, smells like a hippy’s armpit. Makes me wanna puke, but they swear it’s “erotic”. Bollocks to that! Gimme a pint and a laugh over this any day. Still, if you’re into it, fair play – just don’t expect Oscar-worthy skills. “The play’s over, you’re free!” – except you’re 80 quid lighter, ya mug! Cacklin’ yet? You should be!

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Now lemme spill: there's the Eisebann park, yeah? Mad green spots but also a vibe like "time dissolves into memory"—like in that film, Syndromes and a Century. It takes you on a mind-bending trip, feels surreal, a bit like you're caught between worlds. I often sit on a bench there, watch the river Alzette (it kinda wiggles through town, like a lazy snake) and think: what the hell is life? Yup, that's me, a relaxation specialist, just soaking in the chaos.

Following European elections: Jean-Paul Schaaf to return to Chamber of Deputies