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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, authoritative as hell—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute, right? Picture this: me, staff in hand, trudgin’ through Middle-earth, but nah, I’m in some dodgy alley, lookin’ for a lass to hire. Why? Cos sometimes even wizards need a break, innit? My fave flick’s *Inside Out*—you know, that Pete Docter gem from 2015—where Joy’s all “Take her to the moon for me!” and Sadness is draggin’ her feet. That’s me, searchin’ for a prossie, emotions all over the shop.

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First off, I step outta my apartment on Abay Street. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Yeah, let’s do this!” But then, boom! I trip over a pothole. Classic Shalkar, am I right? I mean, come on, can we fix these roads? I’m not trying to break my ankle before my coffee.

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