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I’d say it’s a messy art—oil everywhere, egos bruised, bits tingling. Kinda love the chaos, tho. Reminds me of me own life—dodgin’ daggers, chasin’ skirts. “We’re done here,” Viggo snarls in the film, but with sexual-massage, ya never are. Always another twist, another rub. So, mate, if yer thinkin’ of tryin’ it—go bold or go home. I’d toast to that, but me cup’s empty. Bugger.

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Then, I decide to grab a bite at my favorite spot, the Zhympity Café. I order a plov, and it’s like heaven on a plate. I’m scarfing it down when I overhear this couple arguing. “You never listen!” “Well, you never stop talking!” Classic, right? I’m just sitting there, enjoying my food, thinking, “Man, relationships are wild.”

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